From Death to Life

I reminisce the good times I had with him in high school: studying together, playing pranks on our classmates, making fun of our teachers, singing old-fashioned songs. Those were great times I will always recall with fondness. I lost contact with him after college. I wished I could still see him, talk to him, laugh with him. But I never had the chance to talk to him or laugh with him again. I was, however, able to see him one last time. He was lying in a coffin. 

I was shocked: struck at the fact that someone so intelligent and with so much potential could die at a very young age; stunned that this someone is actually my friend. Unbidden, a question spontaneously arose in my mind: "When will it be my turn?"  


I then picture my own death. I lay in coma in a hospital. Around me were people who loved me and people I loved. I drew my last breath and passed into the twilight. A vigil was held for me. My family, friends and acquaintances came to pay me their last respect. They prayed before my dead body. They talked about my last days, the good times I had with them, the little lessons I shared with them. A funeral Mass was celebrated for the repose of my soul. Finally, I was laid to rest in a cemetery. And there, my body was left to decay.

I ponder in awe on the transitoriness of the things of this world. I wish I could preserve good times forever, but I cannot. I wish I could preserve the ones I love from dying, but I can't. Parents, siblings, spouse, children and friends: all of them will one day die. I myself will die one day. Why should this be? Why can't happy moments last forever? Why should people I have learned to love die? Why can't they remain? Why can't I remain? 

Deep inside, I longed for permanence, I longed for eternity. But eternity is not to be found on earth. “Here on earth we do not have a lasting city,” says the Holy Book; “The world's a ship, not a home,” says a holy soul. It is vain for me to live only for things in this world, no matter how noble they may be. All things will come to pass. God, God alone will endure. Only in God will my longing for the infinite, for the eternal, for the enduring be satisfied. And as long as I am here on earth, my enjoyment of the never-ending bliss will not be attained. As long as I live this life temporal, I will not be able to live the Life Eternal. And for this, it is necessary that I die. 


Death is my doorway to eternity, yet I shudder when I hear the word or see its face.  I'm afraid because I know that not all who die enter into eternal life- some die and enter into eternal damnation. I know that God is infinitely merciful and loving; that He wants me to be saved, to be eternally happy with Him in heaven. But I equally know that He leaves it up to me to decide if I want to live an eternity with Him or not. 


But I do want to be with God for eternity! I can show this by my desire to be with Him now while I am still here on earth. I express this desire whenever I try to meet Him in the depths of my soul in prayer, whenever I try to see Him in the persons He has placed by my side, whenever I try to see His most loving hand behind the difficulties He allows me to bear. It is only in loving God in my short time here on earth will I be able to love Him forever in Heaven. 

I shall not tarry loving God. I cannot reserve loving Him during my last days in this world. It would be too much of a risk. It would be difficult for me to love Him at the last moments of my life when I have spent most of it not loving Him.

If I have behaved as a son to God here on earth, I am sure He will welcome me as a Father in heaven. Then there will be no reason for me to fear death. For then death will be for me a sister- a sister who leads me to the house of my Father God.

Nada te turbe; nada te espante;
todo se pasa; Dios no se muda,
la pacïencia todo lo alcanza.
Quien a Dios tiene, nada le falta.
Solo Dios basta. - Sta. Teresa de Jesus

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I wrote this in 2006, after learning that a friend of mine in high school had passed away. The picture shows an elven ship sailing to Valinor, the promised land of the Elves. This is where Frodo sailed at the end of The Lord of the Rings. In Tolkien's world Valinor is a symbol of paradise. It lies in Aman, the Undying Land.